8 Songs That Are Not About Doing It, At All

January 29, 2019

There are a ton of songs out there about gettin' busy. These ones absolutely, 100% are not.*

*note obvious sarcasm

Trampled Underfoot - Led Zeppelin

So the guys in Led Zeppelin were really into their cars. So into their cars they wrote a song about them.

line that is least about sex: Baby, I can work all night/Believe I got the perfect tools - Just a dedicated mechanic willing to put in some overtime.


Dancing With Myself - Billy Idol

Billy is quite the dancer, watch any one of his music videos if you need proof. Good for Billy, dancing his little heart out, even when there's no one to dance with!

line that is least about sex: Well, I wait so long for my love vibration/And I'm dancing with myself - between that and all the "dancing" sounds he makes, it's a stretch to think this song could actually be about other solo activities.


Cherry Pie - Warrant

Who doesn't love cherry pie? Such a classic, American dessert. Sweet and wholesome, just like the song. Being a big fan of pie, in all flavors, I understand why someone would write a song dedicated totally to pie.

line that is least about sex: swingin' in there 'cause she wanted me to feed her/so I mixed up the batter and she licked the beater - Nice of him to share, everyone knows the batter is the best part of all baked goods!


Pour Some Sugar on Me - Def Leppard

Ever had a sugar scrub? It's great. Best way to exfoliate, even for people with sensitive skin. These guys were way ahead of the curve when it came to spa treatments.

line that is least about sex: You got the peaches, I got the cream/Sweet to taste, saccharine - Nice of him to bring something for dessert, one should never show up to a gathering empty handed!


Relax - Frankie Goes to Hollywood

Stress-related illnesses include high blood pressure, drpession, stroke and heart disease. Relaxation is an important factor in everyday health. Basically, this song is a PSA.

line that is least about sex: But shoot it in the right direction (hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah)/Make makin' it your intention (ooh yeah, ooh yeah) - Every self-help guru of forever will tell you, setting intentions is an important and beneficial action.


Little Red Corvette - Prince

Geez, another nice song about a cool car that people have perverted into something sexual!

line that is least about sex: I guess I should have closed my eyes/When you drove me to the place/Where your horses run free - Uh, yeah! Then this wild horse pasture could have been a magical surprise. Think, Prince!


Summer of '69 - Bryan Adams

Remember summer when you were 10 (as Bryan Adams was in 1969)? Yeah, it was awesome. You probably did some really cool stuff, and if you were as talented as our buddy Bryan, you would have written a great song about your vacation too!

line that is least about sex: Standin' on your mama's porch/You told me that it'd last forever/Oh, and when you held my hand/I knew that it was now or never - Yeah, they could probably only be out until the street lights came on, not much time to play. Now or never for one last round of Capture the Flag!


Pearl Necklace - ZZ Top

Who doesn't love a classy string of pearls? So sophisticated!

line that is least about sex: And that's not true what she's talkin' about,/It really don't cost that much - Obviously when you've got ZZ Top money, pearl necklaces aren't an extravagance. Living a life of luxury.


Obviously, I present alternate interpretations of some notoriously dirty songs. But what if they really are just about cars?